6 Corporate Lessons

[the_ancient]

Corporate Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands
Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"



Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.





Corporate Lesson 2:

A Reverend offered a lift to a Church lady. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a very well turned leg. The Reverend nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he slowly laid his hand on her leg. The church lady said, "Reverend, remember Psalm 129?" His hand quickly fell away. As the ride continued, so did the temptation until once more he laid his hand on her leg and once again the church lady said, "Reverend, remember Psalm 129?"

The Reverend apologized. "I am so sorry that my flesh is so weak."
Arriving at the church, the church lady went on her way. As quickly as he could the reverend rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."



Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.





Corporate Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Piña Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."



Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.





Corporate
Lesson 4:

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. Along came a fox, who jumped on the rabbit and ate it.



Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.





Corporate Lesson 5:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull, "they're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. From there he was able reach a higher branch until finally he was perched on the top branch of the tree. He could see for miles. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.



Moral of the story: Bullshìt might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Corporate Lesson 6:

Johnny wanted to screw a girl in his office.....but she belonged to someone else. One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I'll give you a $100 dollars if you let me screw you....but the girl said NO. Johnny said I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on
the floor, you bend down, I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend.....so she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says ask him for $200 dollars, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down. So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened? She said "The ******* used coins"

Moral of the story: Always consider a business proposal in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!

[Zacrifice]

HAHAHAHAHA excellent.
They are all new to me

[Vin DSL]

Mechanix Illustrated, 1975?

[Ron]

I'm just trying to think about where I can get $200 in pennies, and how I'd carry them all.

Oh wait....Maybe I am just trying not to remember the times when my boss had a roll of quarters in his pocket?

[lokki]

Oh wait....Maybe I am just trying not to remember the times when my boss had a roll of quarters in his pocket?

So, what are you saying...? That you got bought for $10?

[Ron]

Well, sort of, I guess.....

"Bought" isn't the verb I'd use though. It wasn't by choice.

Think:
"Hey Ron, I've got this little project and... ooooops, I've gone and dropped my quarters again. Could you get them for me?"

[lokki]

everyone likes surprises, Ron!

and at least he dropped the quarters, first. Do you have any idea how dirty those things are? probably saved you from quite a rash.

[BernardBlack]

Ha, they were funny